I wanted to do a quick check in and summarize what has been up with me. **I was going to share pictures but my USB cord is missing :( **
The past few months I have been hitting the gym to make sure that I stay fit and actually fit into my wedding dress. I also like to stay active since my day job is sitting at a computer desk for 8 hours. When I go to the gym I usually make sure that I do at least 30 minutes of cardio. I've been focusing on cardio to lose some inches. I haven't been since before Memorial Day. Definitely need to get back on it.
I have been having issues with another fistula for a while now. This one is not internal making abscesses but actually ends at the skins surface. Fluids are secreting out of it. I don't want to go into to much detail as I am sure no one wants to really know about. My doctor has said that SCD will cure it and I have been neglecting that diet lately. :(
Eating SCD has been really hard for me lately and I have to admit that I have been eating things that I shouldn't. I am not binging on bad things but I am eating bits and pieces here and there. I recently went camping over the Memorial holiday weekend. I was so jealous of everyones chips and beer, my camping staples in years past. I wanted to eat everything that I wasn't suppose to. Like I have said before I have an issue with food and I should probably seek counseling for it. I am starting to see and feel the repercussions of my actions and I need to get with the program again. I need to make some promises to my self that I will not break. My quality of life depends on it and its so much harder than I want it to be.
I recently celebrated 1 year since my surgery. I think back on it and I see that I really did undergo a major surgery. Most people might be scared but by the time surgery was a conversation I was very much ready for it. After being in the hospital, or my at home hospital, and basically immobile for months, going through pain that I have never felt before. That was my only hope to have my life back. After being depressed wishing for it all to be over, crying tears of frustration and loss of hope I was ready for it. There are so many emotions that come up when I think of that time and I can't describe them all. Just know that it was the hardest time of my life.
Just this last Saturday was Take Steps. If you don't know what that is, it is a walk fundraiser. Each year money is raised for Crohn's and Colitis research for a cure. These disease are forever. They don't go away with surgery, therapy or drugs. This is the second time I have done the walk. The first year was just about 1 week after I left the hospital. I had a really hard time with the walk. I had to be carried 3 times by my amazing fiance. By the time we were done I felt like I had run a marathon. That is how accomplished I felt. This year it was a piece of cake. I couldn't believe it was the same course. At the mid way point there is this hill that you can climb that has a steep climb to the top and a long slope back to the trail. I was able to climb that hill this year and it was so AMAZING! The littlest thing that people don't even consider completely made my day. It is incredible how far I have come.
Lastly I had a really positive experience talking with another fellow Crohnie. Her name was Madrilene. We met at West Seattle Bowl. This was right after the walk I was still wearing my Take Steps shirt and that is what really started the conversation. We talked about our experience. She was 41 and looked damn good by the way. She was a mother of two kids one was biological. She has had Crohn's since 14. She has had way more surgeries than me and more problems over the years than I have seen. There were two things that came out of that conversation for me. The good thing was that I know now that having kids it possible. I have been thinking that having kids isn't an option because of surgeries and fistulas and complications but she was facing some serious stuff when she gave birth. There's a little hope in my corner now.The other thing that was negative was that I realized I have a long way to go and my future could be really bad. I haven't been through half the stuff she had. However bad it was she was very positive and much like me in our perspective on life and sickness, pretty matter of fact. Either way it felt so good to talk to someone who knew everything I was saying and empathized with me. It was refreshing and I am so grateful for that time I had to talk to her. I even missed 4 frames of bowling. lol.
I wanted to make some promises to myself on here so that I am accountable.
- Stick to SCD- strict no matter how strong the craving is to cheat
- No wine- except on special occasions.
- Hitting the gym 4-5 days a week- staying strong and fit
- Join a Crohn's support group- can only enhance my mental health
- Stay positive- nothing negative can come from it!
Everyone help me stay on course. It takes a village. Anyway...
It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. There are many more highs and lows to come I'm sure but I am hoping for more highs.
Until next time. XO
