If you want to know what Crohn's is like..

Here is a small taste of what Crohn's disease is like.

This is from another blog that I came across. Another fellow Crohnie. Kellyontherun.com

an ode to the commode (& other shitty diseases):

its a shitty disease, this thing called “Crohns”
put to a movie title, it would be “king of thrones”

theres a few secrets that some like to keep hidden,
but since im a rebel, i like doing the forbidden
there are too many puns,
besides “it gives me the runs”

“what CAN you eat?” its simply really..
no popcorn, no butter, no spicy chili,
no milk, no red meat, no seeds and no nuts
no broccoli, no beans or id have no guts.

“how do you poop?”
the snake poop, the crippler, the incredible hulk,
the splash back, houdini, the second wave bulk.
theres the spinal tap, the drunk poop & lincoln log turds,
then the one you rethink having cheese curds.
greasin’ the bowl, growin’ a tail,
the times you cant wait to get out & inhale.
its too hot in this room, get me out now,
sixteen times a day, i scream & shout OWWWW.
i grunt, i groan, i scream & i yell
if theres one thing im good at it’s IBD hell.
the bloop, clank however you put it,
a dump is a dump, a shit is a shit.

with the amount that i spend on soft toilet paper,
WELL…….there is no rhyme to this one. im just an expert.

at the age of 26, i cant trust a fart
bring a spare set of panties, cause ive mastered the art.

im an old soul, trapped in an old body,
thanks to medical debt, retirement wont include a Maserati.

creaky joints, spare clothes & osteoporosis,
the joys of annual tests for Tuberculosis!

laxatives have become a part of my norm,
sometimes if im lucky, my poop has great form!

you may have left me with medical debt,
and sometimes depressed, since theres no cure. yet.

“what do you eat?!”.. a familiar phrase..
the others? oh, i could go on for days.

misconceptions of “invisible illness”, ive heard them all.
“youre to fat, youre too skinny”, too many to recall.

the most annoying one?
“i’ve got your cure-all”
“stand upside down, eat tree bark, take these supplements, youll be fine”
while i roll my eyes, envisioning bottomless wine.

should my poop be this color? am  i sicker than i think?
all of these strange symptoms just make me want to drink.

porcelain throne, john, loo.. i see you too often, in my humble conclusion.
look beyond my smile, often its illusion.
im exhausted, im tired, i want to throw in the towel.
some days i do.. because fuck my small bowel!

my buttholes itchy
im feeling bitchy.
in many ways, IBD deserves no praise..
but its strangely blessed me in unexpected ways…

"Sing me to sleep, and then leave me alone."

I wrote this blog a while ago and didn't post it for some reason. Currently I am not feeling this way. The twists and turns of Crohn's are wonderful. Maybe it has to do with my new medication. New blog about my Remicade and an update coming soon.

I don't know if anyone knows The Smith's song "Asleep" but that one excerpt from the song really hits home to me. A proper title for this blog post. I am speaking to my inevitable tiredness and energy depravation. It is hard to explain to "normies" what it feels like to have the life snatched right from under you. Some days I feel like I can't get up and started for my day. Work nearly kills all my energy and ambition to get to the gym most of the time. No matter what food I eat that will give me that boost I don't feel like I can get a full good work out in. When laying down is more important than cooking dinner. Not everyday is like this but the ones that are feel really miserable and I usually have a miserable attitude as well you can ask my husband. But it hurts to be called lazy when you really can't control it. To be told to just wake up when you just really can't. I try my best to do those things but inside I am not having a good time and I just want to rest to be let to lay down and be left alone sometimes. Sorry for killing your vibe but I just can't give anymore today.  :(

Before I had my surgery back in 2012 I had already been experiencing this type of overwhelming fatigue for a long time. My body was not absorbing nutrients from my foods. Post surgery I had better nutrient absorption but My B-12 absorption was completely cut off. Different section of your intestinal track absorb certain nutrients. The Ilium absorbs B-12. My Ilium was completely removed so therefore I don't absorb B-12 naturally through foods. By the time that finally figured this out with my Doctor I would go through my days feeling unmotivated, foggy and tired. When working sometimes I space out and can't concentrate on what I am doing. Occasionally this also happens while driving and watching TV, etc.

It just really feeling like I just woke up and it last almost all day sometimes. The groggy, can't keep your eyes focused just want to go back to sleep feeling. More recently I have been feeling this way a lot. My doctor first told me that when taking the B-12 shot if I ever start to feel this way more often then I should take it more frequently. I was finally at a place where I felt like once a month was working for me. Now in the last three months I have been taking it every three weeks. But I am starting to think that ever 2 weeks might be better.

Most people know that I really like to go to the gym. I talk about it a lot and have been gaining more interest as I research nutrition and a natural more healthy life style. I have been an on again off again gym goer since high school. Frequenting the gym is the main reason that I have been able to keep my weight about the same give or take 10 pounds that I lose and gain. My deficiency has made it really hard for me to get there lately and it sucks because I find this inner strength and then after a few weeks I find myself giving in to my fatigue and sitting around. I feel bad because then my husband uses me as an excuse to not go as well and I don't want to holding him back from his goals.

So where do I find this balance? I have to work harder at being normal. I have to make sure that I get the right amount of sleep. I have to eat the right foods. I have to make sure that I exercise enough. That is how I feel normal. It is exhausting just following my diet alone and when you put work and gym in the equation I sometimes barely have time to see my friends and family. What price do I have to pay to feel good and is it worth it. For the first month of the year I sacrificed time for friends and family so that I could focus on getting better. I went to the gym once or twice a day and spent hours preparing food to eat. It made me feel so good but I had a hard time seeing anyone outside my house hold and functions which involved foods which I was abstaining from were hard to sit through but I dug deep and did it. Some how I need to find that again through my fatigue and lack of motivation. I can and will do it. I just need the strength to.


Thanks to everyone that reads my blog. I can definitely say more on here than I can to everyone in person. XOXO

Humira 1st Dose

Well I made it. I'm alive and didn't die from anaphallxis. Here's a run down of it all.

So last night I read like 130 pages and finished the book I was reading in order to keep myself busy. I didn't want to think about the appointment looming over me. I was seriously nervous that the nurse was going to demo the steps for the first shot and It was going to hurt so bad that I was going faint or my leg would swell up and I would be rushed to the ER. So I read for 3 hours and after I was done with the book I went to bed. My Husby tried to soothe my worries and make me feel better. He was successful and I drifted to sleep.

Waking up this morning I felt pretty calm but still not thrilled to be going to the appointment. So when the time came I started on my journey out to Seattle to Frmeont to Seattle Gastroenterology. My Husby planned to meet me there so that he could be my support. I probably wouldn't have gone alone. The closer and closer I got to the doctors office the more anxiety I felt about doing the Humira shots. It took me about 1 hour and 15 minutes to get there. I arrived at the parking garage and had a small parking issue.  I parked in a spot that had a pole in between two stalls. I tried to park so that my drivers side door would open with out hitting the pole but when I moved forward I bumped the cement wall. So I backed up and ended up with the pole and the farthest edge of my door colliding when I attempted to open it to get out. I had just barely enough space to slide through while adjusting this foot and then that foot. Small victories lol.

Robert and I walked in the door and I got checked in. There were lots of people walking in and out of doors and everytime I saw an MA or anyone who had scrubs on I got really nervous. When I get anxious and nervous or mad or frustrated I cry and my adrenaline starts. My Husby was there to talk me down and make fun of me so that I would laugh and lighten up. The person who finally called my name did not look like any MA I had ever seen. He was quite a sight actually. So this 40's something year old man very tall probably 6'4"  and skinny with a full head of dreads calls my name. I was like ok awesome dude but crap now it's time to face my fears.

We walked back to the exam room and the man took my weight, temp, blood pressure, all the usual. We sat in the little chairs and then he said she will be right with you. I was actually under the impression that he would be my instructor at the appointment. So my anxiety built up more and more now that I still didn't know who was coming and when she would be in the room. Suddenly the man reappeared and took us to another room. Just a room switch I suppose.  As if they couldn't keep my guessing anymore. By this time the tears started to well in my eyes and my skin felt like it was ready to jump off my body. Then the knock came at the door and a very nice woman walked in.  She greeted us and we handed over our Humira Starter Kit.  I asked a couple of clarifying questions and also just to prolong and delay the inevitable.

The Humira Box

I didn't know that I took this picture but this is Robert with his hand on my leg trying to comfort me while we wait.

Next we got into how to take the shots. I decided to have her do the first one. The pen has two ends one end is the needle which is concealed up inside the device until you push the button on the top which is on the other side. Both sides have a cap. Once both caps are removed your ready to inject. First she took an alcohol wipe and sanitized the injection area. I decided on the leg being the injection site. It is either done in thigh or the stomach. There was no way I was doing the stomach and I am very glad I didn't want to try it now. The next step is to kinda pinch a large amount of skin, place the needle end of the pen on the skin and apply a small amount of pressure to the skin so that in the middle of the injection you don't accidentally move away and have the needle come out. Last step is pushing and holding the button for about 10 seconds until you hear a swoosh sound and that's how you know the medication is completely done being injected.

Now when the nurse was done I said wow that wasn't too bad till the very last couple seconds and it started to burn. I was surprised and kinda shocked so I got ready to do the next one myself. So I alcohol prepped another area on the same leg, took off the caps, pinched my skin, held the pen to my skin with some pressure and hit that button. Can I just say OMG that freaking hurt so bad!!! I don't know what I did but it hurt from start to finish and I'm really not even sure how I got through that 10 seconds with out pulling that needle out. I started to cry and had to take a minute because it burned and it continued to burn for a minute after I was done. I tried to collect myself for a minute and the nurse says let do the next one. I immediately volunteered Robert. He was more than willing to do it and he was already a pro from helping me with a B-12 shot so it looked like a piece of cake for him. He asked me where I wanted it and 1,2,3 he did it. It felt like the one that the nurse gave me so I decided you know what you can do the last one too. The last one hurt a little more but not anywhere near as bad as the one I gave myself. I wiped up all the little drips of blood as the nurse wrote out directions for the remaining two I will take in two weeks. Before we left she checked my legs to make sure that I wasn't having a reaction and gave me a tissue for the road and we were out of there.

So in the end it wasn't that bad but I don't think there is any way I am ever going to give myself one of these again. If Robert wasn't there it probably would have been a much worse appointment for me so for that I am very thankful!

XOXO

Humira

I know that I haven't posted a blog in a long time. Life gets busy and I don't find time to write down my thoughts and feelings. Much has happened in the last for months. Good and bad. At least the bad haven't been as bad as they could be. There have been some new developments with my Crohns that have put me in a very serious position.

In February I came face to face with a decision. My husband and I had the luxury to plan a trip with friends to watch the super owl in Vegas. This was going to be second time and first with just friends so I was pretty excited. A couple weeks before the trip I started noticing some weird things going on. I had developed a painful lump in my groin. Now this wasn't very unusual as my glands tend to get irritated often. The strange thing was that the closer to Vegas the larger and more painful this lump got. This doesn't usually happen. Usually the swelling goes away on its own. So I decided that I would wait until after Vegas as I really didn't want the doctor to tell me not to go. As the weekend went the worst the situation got and by the end if the weekend it hurt to wear tight pants and in some cases walk. This was starting to remind way too much of my abscess that sent me to the hospital in 2012. When we were on our way home I was very relieved and dead set on seeing my doctor ASAP.

Luckily I was able to see my doctor that week. I told him all about my symptoms. He too was concerned about an abscess so he laid out a plan that started with an exam. It turned out that the lump in my grok. Was nothing but an inflamed gland. But the inflammation was the worrisome part because that means that another part of my body was no in good shape. Now I have been dealing with a fistula or two so my doctor thought that maybe there was an abscess that had formed stemming from the fistula. I had an exam, CT scan and an appointment with a surgeon to determine what was happening and what needed to be done. The bad news is that the fistula has tunneled to another organ in my body but the good news is that the fluid from the abscess is draining so I'm in no immediate danger and that surgery is not an option. The next topic for discussion was treatment. By no means is having an abscess a good thing so I need to fix that.

My Naturopathic doctor suggested that I see a GI doctor within his network so that he could be in the loop of my treatment better. I went to see Dr. Tobin of Seattle Gastroenterology. He was nice enough doctor who talked to me about treatment. What he suggested was that I get on a biologic drug which show to be more effective in treating more complicated cases of Crohn's, which I happen to have. (lucky me) So we went over the different brands basically. We settled on Humira because it was a self administered drug. I already take B-12 via IM injection so I thought yeah this will be easy. I left with a good outlook on things. I had to wait 2 weeks for the medication to get approved and mean while my naturopathic doctor had prescribed some antibiotics to bring down the abscess so that A I would get relief and B so it wouldn't get worse when I started Humira. Humira is an immunosuppressant drug that inhibits your body to fight infections. If I still had a raging abscess while on this drug then it would do more harm then good.

Also while I waited for approval from my insurance I started searching Humira on line more. I wanted to know how it was administered and what people had to say about it. My doctor never covered the the details about each drug. Turns out that a lot of people say the medication stings pretty bad going in, some get a large welt after and some even have to take a Benadryl because of itching and rash. Someone described the feeling as battery acid being injected in her leg. I heard that this is because the liquid needs to be refrigerated and warming it up to room temperature helps. Other tips were to numb the area with an ice cube before injecting. I also found out that the first time you take it you have to take 4 syringes, then 2 two weeks later and then 1 every two weeks. WOW.

The more I found out about this drug the less and less I like it. I don't want to take something every two weeks that i'm going to have to ice my leg down for and have it feel like i'm injecting fire in my leg or stomach for 30 seconds. 30 seconds is a long time for pain. So I called back my doctor and said you know what Remicade isn't sounding that bad right about now i'd like to switch please. The doctor approved of my concern for switching and so we waited again for the approval from Premera. (side note- Remicade is also a immunosuppressant but it is given via IV injection. You receive it over a couple of hours time every 3-4 months. I have had this before in 2012 before my surgery. I know A I am not allergic and B it has been around for longer and has more research.)

After a few weeks I got a denial letter in the mail from Premera because I didn't try Humira first they would not approve Remicade. I was very upset about this. I called my doctor and spoke with his nurse about what could be done. She said that the doctor talked with the insurance and tried to fight for me but the insurance wouldn't budge on their decision. My secondary insurance said that the medication was approved under my plan but they couldn't tell me until they were billed. That means that what ever percent would be covered after the procedure was don't.However I wasn't given a 100% answer of assurance since they can't tell you  unless the procedure has already been done. So I am siting there with weighing the option of just getting the Remicade and possibly paying 5000 out of pocket plus other costs. After talking to the nurse and medical billing 3-4 times, calling Premera 3 times, crying and having a full on nervous break down, and discussing things with my husband I caved in and decided that Humira was my only option. I felt let down and angry with my insurance for forcing me to take a drug I wasn't comfortable with or taking not treatment at all. I was hopeless and very very angry.

Fast forward 2 and a half weeks and I am less than 24 hours away from taking Humira for the first time. I pick up my starter kit today which cost 100 dollars and tomorrow morning I meet with a nurse who will explain how it works, demonstrating on me and then letting me try. A training then call it. My husband will be there to support me as I do this even though I really don't want to and I think I might have him inject me with one so that later on if I don't want to do it then he can for me.  I am nervous for what it will feel like and what will happen to me afterward. My hope is that I will go into Anaphylaxis so that I won't have to take the Humira anymore and be switched to Remicade or at the least I have some kind of allergic reaction even on a very small scale to complain about. Things could turn out fine and I am just being a big baby about it. Speaking of babies, Humira and babies don't mix so as long as I am on it I won't be able to breast feed but that also tells me that I shouldn't be pregnant and on this drug. Not that I am planing on having babies anytime soon but you never know whats going to happen.

Life just keeps getting more and more complicated. hopefully I can update about the outcome of the Humira before another 3 months passes.

XOXO

Falling off the Wagon

Yes it is true I have fallen off the wagon and now I am running behind it to catch up.

It all started when I was feeling amazing getting cured from my ailments and I thought well if I am doing so well then why not have a little break. What real damage could it do since I have been going strong for 6 month now? Silly thinking, I know, but I really thought I was invincible and good to go at that point. That break happened to be my Honeymoon.

Side note for those that don't know I got married! On August 24th in the lovely town of Port Townsend in their state park. It was absolutely beautiful and exactly what I wanted! The only thing I would have changed was having it go on longer! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend either. My family from Iowa came out and that was amazing because we haven't seen each other in years. My family from Missouri and Cali came and all my dearest friends. Everyone made it so special and unforgettable. Here are some pictures.

The Pre pre look

 The Ceremony

 A close up, I love how the photographer made me feel

like model in a wedding magazine!

 I had to have this gigantic tree in a shot.

 Throwing my Bouquet!

 Details shot of the rings and the bouquet.

 Me and my husband in front of our venue. 

The Friends' Barn.

We wished that we could have partied with everyone longer but we had to get on a plane the very next morning. We had to wake up around 5:30 AM!! Yikes was that tough after going to bed around 1:30...
Here is where the story begins. 

We planned out Honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We have been there before and we knew we were going to have a blast. Robert and I kind of struck a deal that I could cheat some on the Honeymoon. We were going to be going to buffets, dinners and bars with tons of delicious food and I didn't want to check myself. I wanted to indulge and enjoy my Honeymoon. So that is exactly what I did. I started out slow though. Even the first night there we ordered room service and the first meal I had in Mexico was completely SCD legal. My habits were still sticking which was good. That next morning we went to breakfast and I had a few yummy pastries and some tortilla chips with sauces that I didn't know the ingredients to. I was taking a walk on the wild side. The wild side of my normal culinary routine.

As the days went on I was eating everything I wanted. I had pastries, desserts, cocktails, carbs, sauces, sugar. Everything I wasn't supposed to have. The weird this was that when I had to go it was the best bowl movements I had had in forever. I was regular as regular could be. I was shocked and so I thought maybe I am all better. So I just kept on eating what ever I wanted even when we came back from the Honeymoon.

It has been exactly 2 months and 2 days since the Honeymoon was over. Not to say that I haven't tried to get back on track with SCD but I have not been successful. I have been doing very good durning the week but once the weekend hits we tend to order out and then I get all the temptations of potatoes, bread, carbs, sugar, sauces. OMG!!! I literally can't stop my self. In addition to gaining like 15 pounds I  am having an extremely hard time saying no this go around. I know that my symptoms have started back up and that I need to stop but the devil on my shoulder keeps whispering in my ear "Do you remember how good this all tastes. Eat it. Don't think about the consequences." Where is the angel at anyway? I think she feel asleep or is on vacation. :( 

I am now updating my blog in hopes that I will better be able to hold my self accountable and responsible for my actions. Hoping that this will remind and motivate me to be better and eat clean so that I can stay Crohn's Disease free once again. Food is probably the hardest struggle for me and it has been for my whole like. Going from an over weight kid to an underweight young adult I have seen both sides of the spectrum of eating disorders and this diet is tougher that all of that.

Please pray, send good vides or good thoughts my way. I need everything I can get to stay on track.

Thanks everyone! Till next time.

Juicing vs Extraction

Hey All,

It's been about a month since I've posted. I have been planning my wedding and that has taken a lot out of my free time. This post will be centered around my new efforts to get maximum nutrition with out the digesting of vegetables. I have been experimenting with juicing and extracting.

First of all I can not digest vegetables. Every time that I do they come out looking like they did after I chewed them up. For example; I eat a salad. When I look in the toilet after said salad I can still see the full leaf of the lettuce but it just looks like its been wilted and degraded a little bit. If I eat too many vegetables I get diarrhea. Its not fun at all. Not even when I would cook them would it work out too well. My logic was that if they were cooked they would be easier to digest then when raw. That was a bust as well.

So I got the idea that if I couldn't eat them the regular way then I would juice them and drink them. My dad got me a juicer in 2012 about May-ish. While I was home from the hospital for a small stint he brought it over and said that it would heal me. I of course in the midst of the most terrible part of that experience didn't want to hear about his supposed miracle cure. I gave it a try to make him happy but I got the worst stomach ache of my life, exaggerated, but it was painful. So I said no thank you. We kept it however and it sat in its spot in the kitchen waiting to be used again.

I had been juicing since the week after Memorial Day weekend. I have seen really positive results from it. I am pooping better. Not more partially digested food. I am going a lot less often however. I don't know if that is partial constipation or what. I like the way it is making me feel as well. I have more energy and clearer thinking and mind. Juicing is easy but the machine is so annoying to clean. It take about 15 minutes for juicing to cleaning to be done. The mixture of fruits and veggies that I have experimented with have turned out great. I love juicing as a part of my other solid foods I eat. I don't think that I could juice fast or anything. I get too hungry and then I binge on chicharron or something. The juicing I saw as a positive solution to my not eating vegetables. Not that I was looking for anything to change but I was gifted a present that I was really excited about.

My lovely Auntie Linda had the idea of getting me a Nutribullet. I started using that a few weeks ago. It was different since the flavor was not as sweet and the texture was very gritty and thick. The machine is basically a better version of the Magic Bullet. It pulverizes the fruits and veggies to a smoothie texture. It is suppose to give maximum nutrition from not only the flesh but the stems, seeds etc. I was just experimenting with fruit and veggie combos and when I was starting to like it I noticed that I had gone back to full blown diarrhea. I was actually passing the drink completely as is. I don't know the exact science of the whole thing but I think that the fiber was causing me to pass the shake at speeds that my body couldn't handle and there was no solidity that could take effect. I will still probably use it to have fruit smoothies because I can tolerate fruit just fine. I frequent Jamba Juice for the fruit only drinks and they are so good that I would like to make them at home and save time and money.

So I have decided that I just can't eat a vegetable in any form other than juice. I have been drinking juice again for half a week and everything is back to normal. Its amazing how fast the body bounces back. I just wish that some day I can eat a salad and a raw carrot.

It's crazy how my wants have changed from chips (although I could go for some at any time) to wanting to just eat a celery stick.

Its a crazy reality that I live now.

I hope that everyone enjoys their forth of july!

Till next time XOXO!

Check up

I've been away from the personal keyboard for a while. I have been very busy with work and planning my wedding.

I wanted to do a quick check in and summarize what has been up with me. **I was going to share pictures but my USB cord is missing :( **

The past few months I have been hitting the gym to make sure that I stay fit and actually fit into my wedding dress. I also like to stay active since my day job is sitting at a computer desk for 8 hours. When I go to the gym I usually make sure that I do at least 30 minutes of cardio. I've been focusing on cardio to lose some inches. I haven't been since before Memorial Day. Definitely need to get back on it.

I have been having issues with another fistula for a while now. This one is not internal making abscesses but actually ends at the skins surface. Fluids are secreting out of it. I don't want to go into to much detail as I am sure no one wants to really know about. My doctor has said that SCD will cure it and I have been neglecting that diet lately. :(

Eating SCD has been really hard for me lately and I have to admit that I have been eating things that I shouldn't. I am not binging on bad things but I am eating bits and pieces here and there. I recently went camping over the Memorial holiday weekend. I was so jealous of everyones chips and beer, my camping staples in years past. I wanted to eat everything that I wasn't suppose to. Like I have said before I have an issue with food and I should probably seek counseling for it. I am starting to see and feel the repercussions of my actions and I need to get with the program again. I need to make some promises to my self that I will not break. My quality of life depends on it and its so much harder than I want it to be.

I recently celebrated 1 year since my surgery. I think back on it and I see that I really did undergo a major surgery. Most people might be scared but by the time surgery was a conversation I was very much ready for it. After being in the hospital, or my at home hospital, and basically immobile for months, going through pain that I have never felt before. That was my only hope to have my life back. After being depressed wishing for it all to be over, crying tears of frustration and loss of hope I was ready for it. There are so many emotions that come up when I think of that time and I can't describe them all. Just know that it was the hardest time of my life.

Just this last Saturday was Take Steps. If you don't know what that is, it is a walk fundraiser. Each year money is raised for Crohn's and Colitis research for a cure. These disease are forever. They don't go away with surgery, therapy or drugs. This is the second time I have done the walk. The first year was just about 1 week after I left the hospital. I had a really hard time with the walk. I had to be carried 3 times by my amazing fiance. By the time we were done I felt like I had run a marathon. That is how accomplished I felt. This year it was a piece of cake. I couldn't believe it was the same course. At the mid way point there is this hill that you can climb that has a steep climb to the top and a long slope back to the trail. I was able to climb that hill this year and it was so AMAZING! The littlest thing that people don't even consider completely made my day. It is incredible how far I have come.

Lastly I had a really positive experience talking with another fellow Crohnie. Her name was Madrilene. We met at West Seattle Bowl. This was right after the walk I was still wearing my Take Steps shirt and that is what really started the conversation. We talked about our experience. She was 41 and looked damn good by the way. She was a mother of two kids one was biological. She has had Crohn's since 14. She has had way more surgeries than me and more problems over the years than I have seen. There were two things that came out of that conversation for me. The good thing was that I know now that having kids it possible. I have been thinking that having kids isn't an option because of surgeries and fistulas and complications but she was facing some serious stuff when she gave birth. There's a little hope in my corner now.The other thing that was negative was that I realized I have a long way to go and my future could be really bad. I haven't been through half the stuff she had. However bad it was she was very positive and much like me in our perspective on life and sickness, pretty matter of fact. Either way it felt so good to talk to someone who knew everything I was saying and empathized with me. It was refreshing and I am so grateful for that time I had to talk to her. I even missed 4 frames of bowling. lol.

I wanted to make some promises to myself on here so that I am accountable.

1. Stick to SCD- strict no matter how strong the craving is to cheat
2. No wine- except on special occasions.
3. Hitting the gym 4-5 days a week- staying strong and fit
4. Join a Crohn's support group- can only enhance my mental health
5. Stay positive- nothing negative can come from it!

Everyone help me stay on course. It takes a village. Anyway...

It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. There are many more highs and lows to come I'm sure but I am hoping for more highs.

Until next time. XO